whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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