Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
