I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
