Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So many bounce houses so little time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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