Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
