3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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