she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Success! We fucked roommates!
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