Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
