on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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