Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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