I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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