Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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