i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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