She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
