Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
