i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize