R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
