Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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