he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
