Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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