She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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