Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize