Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
our cab driver is having phone sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
