yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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