Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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