Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
