You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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