We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i've created a new STD.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
