My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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