I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
