Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
