you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
