I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
