Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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