I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
