Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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