Im at strip club and am horny
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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