it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
