She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
