he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
