So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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