I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
