maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize