My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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