Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
