All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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