i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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