On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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