I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
