My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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