I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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