I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
