you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
