I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
