what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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