i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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