I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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