Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize