Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
