his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
