During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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