the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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