Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
