i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
