# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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