Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
