My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
