the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
