For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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