God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
