she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i drank out of a bidet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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