you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
