I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
