I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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