My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
