I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
